An Order of Beauty
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: Oneshot written for the NFA Nepal charity auction. When Jimmy leaves Tim holding Victoria for a few minutes, he, Tony and Gibbs think about being parents.


**A/N:** This is yet another oneshot written for the NFA Nepal charity auction. The request was for a reflective piece with Tim, Tony and Gibbs thinking about fatherhood while tending Victoria (Jimmy and Breena's baby).

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS or its characters and I'm not making money off this story.

* * *

 **An Order of Beauty  
** by Enthusiastic Fish

 _"There is one order of beauty which seems made to turn heads.  
_ _It is a beauty like that of kittens, or very small downy ducks making gentle rippling noises with their soft bills, or babies just beginning to toddle."_  
 _T.S. Eliot_

Tim was enjoying a slow day at work. He wouldn't want this every day, but today, it was sure nice. Gibbs was up in a meeting with Vance. Ellie had taken the day off. Tony was...somewhere.

It was nice and quiet, heading toward evening. Tim was thinking that he might even be able to head home early.

The elevator dinged, and Tim looked up. Jimmy came into the bullpen carrying Victoria.

"Hey, Jimmy."

"Shhh!" Jimmy said. "She's asleep and I don't want her to wake up."

"Sorry," Tim said, lowering his voice.

"Thanks. Breena is on her way over to get her, but she's been fussy. I just got her to sleep."

Tim smiled. "It's fun seeing you being a dad, Jimmy."

"It's fun _being_ a dad...sometimes. Other times, it's terrifying."

Then, Jimmy's phone beeped at him. He looked around and then he hurried over.

"Here. Hold Victoria for a minute."

"Uh...Jimmy, I..."

Tim's weak protests fell on deaf ears. Before he knew it, he was holding the sleeping baby while Jimmy answered his phone. Tim had held babies before, but he tended to panic when it wasn't a relative. What if he broke someone else's kid? But now, he was holding Victoria. She squirmed a little and then burrowed into his chest without waking.

Jimmy hung up and looked at Tim with a dangerously inquiring expression.

"What is it, Jimmy?" Tim asked, almost afraid to hear.

"I need to go down and help Dr. Mallard. Breena should be here in just a few minutes, but I have to get down there, right now."

"Oh, Jimmy, no. I can't just..."

"She's asleep." Jimmy started backing away, still keeping his voice low. "Just hold her and when Breena gets here, she'll take her home. It should only be a few minutes! Thanks! I owe you one!"

Then, Jimmy ran to the elevator, leaving Tim holding Victoria. He couldn't shout after Jimmy because it would wake her up. He was afraid to move too much because it might wake her up, or worse, he might drop her.

 _Jimmy, I'm going to kill you,_ Tim thought to himself.

Then, he settled back in his chair, knowing that there was no other option.

For a few minutes, he just held Victoria, hoping that she would stay asleep. Some other employees saw him sitting there and they chuckled at the sight of the computer geek gingerly holding a baby, but they didn't make any noise.

As he sat there, he looked at Victoria, felt how relaxed she was in his arms.

Man, she was cute. It wasn't fair to have babies be so cute. It must have evolved as some kind of defense mechanism. Babies were loud, smelly, demanding and way too fragile. No rational person would want to keep them around...but they had evolved to have a devastating cuteness that couldn't be resisted.

"You're too cute," Tim said in a low voice.

Victoria just squirmed again and nestled in the crook of his arm. Tim found himself smiling down at her, forgetting how much he _didn't_ want to be holding this breakable human being.

As he sat there, he suddenly started thinking about what his dream had been. Home, wife...and a family. Babies would have _had_ to be in there somewhere. It was funny, though. Somehow, he hadn't ever really thought about the baby part. Just kids. In his dream life, the youngest was at least five.

He laughed inwardly. Maybe that was part of his problem. He just wasn't thinking about it rationally. Still, it wasn't an abhorrent idea.

After ten minutes of holding Victoria, Tim started wondering where Breena was. Jimmy had said only a few minutes. It was more than a few minutes.

What if Gibbs saw him like this?

"McGee, what are you doing?"

Tim grimaced. He would swear that Gibbs could read minds. He didn't want to tell his boss to be quiet, but he _really_ didn't want to be holding a crying baby.

"Sh, Boss. Please?"

Gibbs walked further around the divider and Tim looked at him pleadingly.

He watched as Gibbs suppressed a smile.

"Where's Palmer?"

"Down with Ducky. He said that Breena would be here, soon...but she's not here, yet."

Tim remembered how easily Gibbs had calmed the crying baby a few years before.

"Do you want to take her, Boss?"

Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not very good with babies," Tim said.

"Seem to be doing fine."

"If she woke up, I wouldn't have a clue about what to do."

"She's asleep."

"I'm not even sure if I'm holding her right."

"Good practice, then," Gibbs said and turned to his computer.

Tim grimaced again and looked down at Victoria. She was still cute. Her hand spasmed open and he touched it with his finger. Instantly, her fingers curled around it and held on. Tim found himself smiling again.

He and Delilah hadn't talked much about anything beyond their immediate relationship, and for good reason. There had been a lot to deal with in the last year, but maybe now that they were starting to settle down a bit...maybe...

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Gibbs watched as Tim started to melt. He didn't have the most comfortable position for holding a baby, but he didn't seem to mind. And for all his claim of not being good with babies, he hadn't disturbed Victoria's nap.

He didn't blame Tim for being worried about it. He had been terrified of holding a baby when Kelly had been born. ...but once he had, that had been it. He'd been completely sucked in. If things had been different...

Sternly, he pushed that thought aside. There was no value in dwelling on what couldn't happen. He'd given up on all that years ago...but he still had a soft spot for kids of all ages. There was something about them, and it wasn't even just seeing Kelly in them. There was something special about kids, babies especially. They had a power in them that wasn't about strength. It was something internal that they shared with the world around them. He always wanted to protect that power, keep them from losing it.

And now, looking at Tim, and when he'd seen Jimmy holding his daughter, he couldn't help but see a little of himself, not that he'd ever say so. The awkwardness was there, but he also saw the same feeling of getting taken in by the helplessness, the beauty of an innocent child.

It was never that simple, of course. If Victoria woke up and started crying, Tim would probably panic a little and try to hand her off, but seeing him at this moment, Gibbs couldn't help but wonder if and when Tim would become a father. He had it in him to do it, but whether or not it would happen was another matter all together.

The elevator dinged and Tim looked up, clearly worried that the fragile silence would be broken.

"Hey, guys. Still slow?" Tony asked, at his normal loud volume.

"Sh! Tony, please, don't wake her up," Tim said, urgently.

"What?" Tony asked, still at normal volume.

"Sh! I have Victoria here!"

Tony craned his neck to see over the computer and then, he mimed locking his mouth shut. He tiptoed over with exaggerated caution and peeked down at her.

"Why do you have the mini gremlin?" he asked.

"Jimmy had to go down to help Ducky. He said Breena would be here. Soon. I hope. You want to take her?"

"No way, man. We're both so incompetent, we'd wake her up and then she'd be screaming until Breena got here. Not happening. You're doing fine."

Tim sighed and then froze as Victoria started to squirm again. He looked at Tony and then back at Gibbs in something akin to fear.

"Relax, McGee," Gibbs said. "If you relax, so will she."

Tim leaned back in his chair, carefully shifting position. Victoria's eyes opened for a moment. Tim started to rock her, _very_ gently. Her eyes closed again and she relaxed. Tim let out a soft whoosh of relief.

"You're lucky that Abby's not here," Tony said, keeping his voice low. "She'd come up here, coo over the baby, wake her up and then leave her to you to deal with."

"Yeah, I know. Right now, though...got to admit she's kind of cute."

"Sure. While she's sleeping. Then, she wakes up and is hungry or fussy or screaming or she poops in her diaper and she's not so cute anymore," Tony said.

Tim kept rocking her. "I don't know. Haven't you ever thought about it, Tony?" he asked.

"About what?"

"Being a dad."

"Only in my worst nightmares."

"Oh, come on."

"I want to be the uncle everybody loves, not the dad they hate."

"You don't have any siblings," Tim pointed out.

"That's a minor problem," Tony said, flicking his fingers. "I figure that Jimmy can appoint me honorary uncle. Then, all his mini gremlins can love me. I'll be the cool guy they try to emulate."

Tim smiled. "She doesn't look much like a gremlin."

"Breena must have stronger genes," Tony said. "Watch out, Tim. She'll get her claws into you and you'll never be the same."

"I'm sure _that's_ true," Tim said, gently rubbing the tiny hand which was curled around his finger.

Gibbs could see that Tim didn't think the change would be all that bad even if he didn't admit to that.

He didn't want to be a part of this conversation, but it wasn't all that bad listening to it. Tim went back to staring at Victoria, but Tony kept glancing over, too. For all his protestations, Tony wasn't immune to the beautiful little girl Tim was holding. In fact, he might even be a bit envious that Tim was the one holding her. After another few minutes with no Breena appearing, Tony got up and walked over.

"Did you drug her to keep her asleep, McGee?"

Tim smiled.

"No. Of course not. Breena would kill me."

"What would you do if I woke her up?"

"Give her to Gibbs and then kill you."

Gibbs decided that was his cue to leave. If he left Tim and Tony to their own devices, they were much less likely to end up bickering. Gibbs knew he was the safety net because he was the one with experience. He needed to get back up to MTAC anyway.

"You can leave, DiNozzo," he said. "Nothing left to do for tonight."

Tony raised an eyebrow at Tim as Gibbs got up and headed up the stairs. Gibbs heard Tim beg Tony not to leave him alone with the baby and smiled to himself.

As confident and competent as those two were with most of life, this was something neither of them knew well. They could handle it, but they didn't _want_ to have to, especially not in front of each other.

They'd be fine.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Please, Tony. Just hang out until Breena gets here. I don't want to be sitting here alone with her."

"What in the world do you think I'll be able to do?"

"Give me moral support if she starts crying."

"What'll you give me?"

"Nothing," Tim said. "Come on. Look at how cute she is. You can just sit here and enjoy looking at her."

"She's a little young for me, McGee."

"Ha ha."

"She is cute. I'll give you that," Tony said. And it was true. She was. Tony could almost want to hold her, himself. Almost.

Tim looked down at Victoria and his expression changed.

"I want to be a dad, someday," he said, softly.

"Really?" Tony asked. He'd never really thought of Tim as a dad. ...but then, he hadn't thought about Jimmy as a dad, either.

"Yeah."

"Does Delilah know that?"

Tim laughed a little. "We've had too much to worry about to even _think_ about having kids."

"Apparently, _you've_ thought of it. Has she?"

"Honestly, I don't know," Tim said. He looked up. "I'm not sure it's something I want to bring up just yet. We need a little more time."

"You wait too long and you'll have waited too long," Tony said.

"Yeah, I know. Haven't _you_ ever thought of it? You were engaged before. Didn't you ever think about having kids?"

Tony considered denying it, but Tim had been honest with him. He decided to reciprocate.

"Okay, yeah. I did. I figured I had the perfect _bad_ example. I was going to be the dad my dad isn't."

"You still want that?"

"I'm missing a vital part of that equation, you know," Tony said.

"Sorry."

Tony shrugged. "Hey, it's the way things are. I haven't thought about it in years, Tim."

"Really?"

"Really."

Tim took a breath. "You sure you don't want to take her?"

"Maybe some other time," Tony said, but if it wasn't for the fact that he was positive that any attempt to shift Victoria around _would_ lead to her waking up, he would be tempted. He just didn't want to have to deal with a crying baby. He had absolutely _no_ experience with that.

It was quiet for another couple of minutes. Tim kept looking longingly at the elevator.

"My arms are starting to sweat."

Tony laughed. "That's not something they warn you about."

"She's like a little oven and she's drooling on my chest."

"Clearly, she loves you," Tony said.

"Ha. I don't know how parents manage this kind of thing. They all seem to know what to do. It's like they magically learn as soon as the baby is born."

"Maybe there's a special secret class that you take before you leave the hospital and they tell you all the tricks."

Tim grinned. "Maybe so."

Finally, the elevator dinged and Breena came out as soon as the doors opened.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Breena said as she hurried over. "Jimmy told me that he'd left Victoria with you, and I was trying to get here, but the traffic was just terrible."

"No problem," Tim said. He shifted to stand and then stopped when Victoria started to squirm once more. "Uh..I'm not sure I can stand up without dropping her."

Breena laughed. "I'm sure you could, but I'll take her."

Tony watched as Tim relinquished his hold on baby Victoria. He actually seemed just slightly reluctant.

"Thank you _so_ much for holding her, Tim. That was above and beyond the call of duty."

"No problem," Tim said again. "She just slept the whole time."

"Really? You must have the magic touch. We'll have to get you to babysit for us."

"Uh...no. That's okay. I'd only do it if you could guarantee that she stayed asleep."

Breena smiled. "I would never guarantee that. She doesn't even sleep through the night yet."

She expertly shifted Victoria around and put her in the car seat without disturbing her. Then, she head back to the elevator with a final wave.

After the doors closed, Tim let out a sigh of relief.

"Whew. I was so sure that I was going to wake her up. Jimmy even said she'd been fussy today. I didn't want to have to deal with that."

"Good job, Probie. You successfully watched the little munchkin."

"Holding a baby for half an hour isn't the same as actually watching her."

"Close enough. Want to celebrate your success?"

"Sure." Tim shut down his computer and grabbed his bag.

They headed out of the building together.

"You know what, Tim?"

"What?" Tim asked, warily.

"You'll be a great dad."

Tim smiled. "Thanks, Tony. And if I have any kids, you'll be the uncle they all love."

"Deal."

"...but if you ever wake them up while I'm holding them, I'll kill you."

FINIS!


End file.
